Mother’s Day: When It's Not Straightforward
- Derek Flint - BSc : Dip. Couns. : PNCPS - Accred.
- Mar 14
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 25
Mother’s Day in the UK is often presented as a warm and joyful day. Cards, flowers, family lunches and social media posts celebrating loving relationships. For many people that is exactly what the day looks like. But for others, the day can feel much more complicated.
Behind the cheerful images can be grief, distance, unresolved relationships or the quiet feeling that something important is missing.
If Mother’s Day feels difficult for you this year, you are far from alone.
Questions People Often Ask Around Mother’s Day
Why does Mother’s Day make me feel sad?
How do I cope with Mother’s Day if my mum has died?
What should I do if I’m not in contact with my mum?
Why do I feel guilty for not wanting to celebrate Mother’s Day?
How do I deal with social media on Mother’s Day?
These questions reflect something very real. Relationships with mothers can be loving and supportive, but they can also be complicated, distant or painful.
Mother’s Day can highlight whatever that reality is.
When Mum Has Passed
Grief often shows up strongly on anniversaries and symbolic days like Mother’s Day.
Simple ways people cope include:
Taking time to remember their mum in their own way
Visiting a meaningful place
Looking at photographs or writing a short message or letter
Talking about memories with someone who knew them
Some people mark the day quietly, while others prefer to keep it low-key and treat it like any other Sunday. There is no correct way to do it.
When you are not in contact with your mum
Estrangement between parents and adult children is more common than people realise.
If this is your situation, Mother’s Day can stir up mixed emotions such as sadness, relief, anger or guilt.
Helpful approaches can include:
Allowing yourself to acknowledge the complexity rather than forcing yourself to feel something you don’t
Limiting social media if it becomes overwhelming
Spending the day with people who are supportive in your life
Focusing on relationships that feel healthy and reciprocal
When contact is restricted or not allowed
Sometimes separation is outside your control. This may be due to family conflict, legal issues or other circumstances.
In these situations it can help to:
Recognise that the situation is not a personal failure
Create your own way of marking the day privately if that feels meaningful
Talk openly with a trusted friend or counsellor about the emotions involved
When a mother was emotionally absent
Some people grew up with a parent who was physically present but emotionally unavailable.
Mother’s Day can bring up old feelings around unmet needs or lack of support.
What can help is:
Recognising that your experience is valid
Giving yourself the compassion that may have been missing earlier in life
Building supportive relationships now that offer emotional connection
A different way to think about Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day can also be a moment to acknowledge the people who have shown care and support in your life.
For some people that might be a grandmother, step-parent, aunt, mentor or friend.
Supportive relationships come in many forms.
When talking helps
If Mother’s Day brings up difficult feelings, it may be worth speaking to someone about it.
Counselling offers a space to explore family relationships, unresolved emotions and the ways past experiences can still shape the present.
Often the goal isn’t to change the past, but to understand it more clearly and develop a healthier relationship with yourself going forward. Get in touch here to find out more.
Looking after yourself on the day
However Mother’s Day lands for you, it can help to approach it with a bit of intention rather than just getting through it. When a day carries emotional weight, small choices can make a noticeable difference in how it feels.
One of the simplest things is to plan something in advance, even if it’s low-key. Leaving the day completely open can sometimes allow your mood to be shaped by what you see around you or by unexpected reminders. Having something planned, whether that’s meeting a friend, getting out for a walk, or even just deciding how you’ll spend your time at home, can create a sense of steadiness.
It’s also worth being mindful of your exposure to triggers. Social media, in particular, can amplify feelings by presenting a very one-sided version of the day. Giving yourself permission to step back from it, even temporarily, isn’t avoidance. It’s a way of protecting your emotional space.
Try to notice what you need rather than what you think you should be doing. For some people, that might mean keeping busy. For others, it might mean allowing space to feel whatever comes up. Both are valid. There isn’t a right way to experience a day like this.
If the feelings feel stronger than expected, grounding yourself in the present can help. Simple things like focusing on your surroundings, getting outside, or connecting with someone you trust can take the edge off the intensity.
Ultimately, the day doesn’t have to define how you feel about your past or your relationships. It’s just one point in time. How you choose to move through it, in a way that feels manageable for you, is what matters most.
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